For the past six weeks or so, I’ve had a strange, uncomfortable and atypical tightness in my lower back. Despite the numerous efforts of my usually reliable team of practitioners to get it to go away, the darn pain has persisted. Today, another healer sent a huge amount of energy to me, and pulled some ancestral garbage out of me, and the pain went away for a short while — but, alas, returned.
Despite my own numerous efforts to meditate, visualize, and pray it be gone, I find myself with no other resources left but to contemplate my suffering. Which, I realize now, is precisely what my Divine wants me to do.
What if I stopped resisting the pain of my aching back and contemplated what else is going on in my life. Maybe it’s just been one big, juicy distraction. I’m realizing that the more I think about my pain and disdain it, the more I keep my focus stuck there. That’s a lot of my attention going to one little part of my body – especially on a part that already has enough on its platter in keeping me erect and moving in the world.
This is an excellent reminder to me that sometimes the most profound concepts are the most elusive. Someone said it long ago: “What you resist, persists.”
Resistance to pain is like a prison that keeps consciousness attached to one particular version of reality. My version is that my back isn’t suppose to hurt and if it is hurting, then it better get fixed, by golly. In focusing on that story, I suspect I’m keeping myself from noticing something else important.
I’m just wondering, what would be going on in my life or my awareness right now if I wasn’t obsessing about my back pain? I’m going to stay with that question for now.