A Vulnerable Heart
Along the path of awakening, hearts begins to bloom, like flowers in spring, revealing exquisite and delicate beauty.
Many of us notice that the faces of our community members on this path for a while often seem to glow and look softer. Some people receiving Deeksha notice they’ve started becoming more sensitive to the energy and feelings of others and perhaps more sensitive, in general, to beauty, art, music, and love’s presence.
Yet, many of us may experience some trepidation, too, as the heart flowers and buried patterns of defensiveness are exposed before being released; for after living for years in the often harsh, aggressive, dog-eat-dog world, we are now unlearning guardedness and armoring as we move deeper into experiencing a fresh state of increasing vulnerability. We may have to muddle through a little awkwardness as we develop new ways of showing up authentically with others.
Awareness of the heart’s true vulnerability becomes evident as we strive to live in inner integrity with our Divine. With increasing self-awareness comes increasing perception of our conditioned defense mechanisms used to avoid uncomfortable feelings such as anger, anxiety, jealousy, competitiveness or fear. We see that we’ve been running and hiding from vulnerability for years.
With awakening, we become intimate within and honest about what’s going on inside.
Through practicing inner integrity, we find that self-acceptance eventually reigns and trying to be anything other than who we are is clearly futile. We see that the old, worn defenses are, at best, laughable, or at worst, useless. We become transparent to others. In moving through this process, we may need to navigate reconciliation between vulnerability and feeling safe; for this shift, we might humbly ask for the blessings of Grace to assist.
In my heart, I know there is no other way to move through the periodic cycles of discomfort and awkwardness with my unfolding vulnerability other than by staying with the “what is” and calling on my Divine. These days, I’m often finding myself outside what used to be a relative “comfort zone.” Now, it’s clear that any alleged comfort was really just unconsciousness…. and with expanding consciousness, the only direction to move is forward with Divine help.
Thankfully, there’s also a continual building of trust happening now.
It’s a trust that staying with any anxiety arising from feeling “out of control” will eventually give rise to growth and transformation – and happily sooner, more often than later.
There’s actually been some humor in re-experiencing the occasional ghosts of my youth – feeling like an awkward teenager on her first date again or revisiting that chubby, painfully shy, first grader at a new school. When the force of some of those buried, old feelings has spontaneously erupted, at times, there’s often been a desire to escape them, just as I did as that teen. But there really is no escape – there’s only delay. I’ve clearly learned now that popcorn and chocolate can only be temporary “fixes”! As resistance abates and emotions release, the relief from running and hiding can be like settling into a deliciously comfortable bed at the end of a long day. “What was all the fuss about?’ I wonder, as difficult feelings evaporate into peace. It’s another small surrender into the loving arms of self-acceptance, vulnerability, and authenticity.
Like a newly born baby, there’s a sacred essence in all of us that is constantly showing the many faces of love: unguarded, openhearted, joyous, scared, and in pain at times.
