Dealing With Inner Resistance

Inner resistance is often a sneaky, pesky intruder on one’s peace of mind and goals.  For me, it can show up when I need or want to do something that is clearly for my own good; yet, some kind of unconscious, mixed feelings get in the way of actually doing that thing that I want. My inner resistance usually reveals inner conflict which has morphed into procrastination. Then procrastination can lead to guilt, shame, blame or some other negative feelings and excuses.  Oy, how uncomfortable it is to be stuck in that muck!

New Year’s Intentions Unraveling?

Ever spend a lot of time getting the right equipment for working out and then struggle to actually do the workout? I did that yesterday.  I had set a New Year’s intention on January 1, that I’d get on my stationary bike at least twice a week and do a workout during the winter. A reasonable goal, right? 

So now it’s February and I rode the stationary bike only twice last month. What did I do yesterday instead of getting on the bike?  I spent too much time online, perusing amazon for padded bike shorts to make my riding more comfortable. By the time I had read a bunch of reviews for about five different brands of padded bike shorts, and deliberated on the size and color of my final selection, the window of time for actually riding the bike had expired. I had to get ready for a client! On top of that, I ultimately decided I didn’t really need padded shorts, after all … at least not right now. 

The Mind is a saboteur

This unfortunate episode with my exercise goals at least motivated me to share with you what I had to remember myself: The real culprit behind any inner resistance to doing what we’d like to do, is the mind. 

The mind loves to make up mental stories and excuses, as to why I should wait - or what I need to do first, before I can do the thing I want to do. Stories are fabricated by the mind all the time.  Sometimes the stories are about other people or situations. Sometimes the stories are just so unconsciously programmed, that they loop and loop and end up sabotaging actions without us even being aware that the programs have taken over.  When that happens, we’re left feeling guilty, ashamed, self-judging, and in some way, bad about ourselves. 

The mind is frequently cranking out negative thoughts and excuses, either about oneself, or about someone else.  Thoughts lead to feelings. The mind especially likes to blame other people or situations about why we can’t or shouldn’t do something— so we can feel victimized by life, and thus free of responsibility for our choices.

What to do

What can we do when we become aware that our inner resistance is sabotaging inner peace, and keeping us from fulfilling our healthy intentions? Here’s what I do when I become aware of self-sabotage:

1. First, I congratulate myself that I’ve become aware of my resistance, for that means I’ve moved beyond just identifying with the stories and excuses that my mind has conjured up. Awareness is a hugely important beginning. Lack of self-awareness might be 99% of the problem. Regular meditation, mantras, and other modalities, such as shamanic soul retrieval help to increase self-awareness. Greater self-awareness is what characterizes “awakening.”

2. Then I give myself a little love.  I acknowledge that this resistance is showing me that I have some kind of inner conflict going on, and that my inner child can use the support to move through it.  That inner child needs to be seen, supported, and loved.  It does not need any authoritarian type discipline, orders, or disrespect!

3.  I remind myself that I love myself unconditionally, even if I’m not performing up to my own ideals. I remember to especially love up this resisting, procrastinating part of me, because generally, this part is afraid.  It could be fear of starting something new.  It could be fear of change, or failing, or even fear of succeeding.  But I know from my experience that fear drives inner conflict and procrastination. Feeling unsupported can come from old, lingering childhood patterns.

4.  I do some deep, slow belly breathing to get out of my head, and into my heart. Then I get curious and let myself feel the fear, or whatever feelings are swirling around inside, that are contributing to this resistance.  I hold space for that inner kid in me to feel supported.  When I feel supported, and when I allow myself to actually feel the feelings, I am able to move beyond the fear because the fear evaporates.  The fear was never real to begin with. I wasn’t facing an attacking lion. I wasn’t dangling off a cliff, even though it may have felt that way. The feeling of fear is generally an emotion created from conditioning, past trauma, or not having our feelings accepted and supported as a child.

What is truly real is love.  I do believe, with all my heart, in the power of love to heal and create miracles.  And when it comes to inner resistance to doing that which we want to do, it’s all about having self-love, my friends. Please take some self-love into this Valentine’s Day month and watch the magic of love working in your life. And always remember that, oh, what mountains we can climb, when we take the time to look within and love ourselves up!

With Love, Light and Hope,

Paula

GOING DEEPER

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