SAYING I’M SORRY
When words, used consciously or unconsciously, have the effect of venomous weapons, there is one mending remedy that seems to be in short supply these days. The simple act of apologizing when we’ve hurt someone, can be a powerful healing balm. But we humans are a freaked out bunch in these challenging times, and stress has made it all too common to channel our reactivity, anxiety and frustration, either aggressively or passive-aggressively, with our words. Let’s try to be more aware of how our words and actions affect others, and apologize when we need to do it.
A BAD-VIBE MORNING
This morning, the weather was a perfect mid-seventies, sun shining, flowering trees and tulips in dazzling, spring bloom. I took myself out for a walk, but my big smile soon gave way to surprise as I headed toward the lakefront. Normally, a daily walk is my “happy time.”
First I encountered a frisky and adorable, small dog on a leash held by a scowling woman. I cringed as I watched her yank her tiny, little. jumping buddy away from a squirrel in a tree. “Come-on,” she hissed at him, as she yanked again at the leash. But he was just being a dog, I thought to myself as I passed them. Luckily, the dog appeared to immediately forgive her, and went dashing elsewhere - as dogs seem to do. They are masters of unconditional love, generally (unless badly abused). But that’s no reason to treat them insensitively.
When I got to the lakefront path, which was swarming with walkers, joggers, and bikers, all on the same path, I passed a stressed-looking, middle-aged man. His loud talking caught my attention. He was balancing a child, maybe less than 2 years old, on his shoulders, while attempting to walk his dog too. Behind him trailed another child, about 4 perhaps, asking him something. As we passed, I heard him yell at the 4-year old girl, “What do you expect me to do, huh? I only have two hands and I’m holding the baby! Tell me, what should I do?”
Again I cringed, though I understood his anxiety, no doubt, at the balancing act this dad had to manage. Yet, I thought of the message that little innocent 4-year old got: her needs weren’t being recognized at all…future self-worth issues might be brewing. And what kind of wisdom to solve his problems, does a 4-year old have anyway? (Okay, I could possibly be projecting here—but cranky, snappy parents do abound.)
OFF THE PATH, INTO MORE NEGATIVITY
At that point, I decided to get off the path. It seemed like a bad-vibe morning in the neighborhood, despite the sunny moods I would have expected on a glorious spring day.
I made my way to a nearby street and immediately came upon the driveway of a lovely home with a long driveway. There was a grumpy man trying to give navigational directions to what looked like his twenty-something daughter, who was backing her car out of the driveway and onto the street. He was shouting, turn the wheel to the right, now turn it to the left, TO THE LEFT, dammit!…you drive like a *** !! (some kind of derogatory words, was all I could hear).
At this point, I was kind of shocked and made my way home. At home, I received a very reactive, rather nasty text from someone I had innocently texted several days ago. She had totally misinterpreted my original text. It fittingly capped off what I had hoped would be a peaceful, pleasant morning. Instead, I felt sad and disillusioned.
WHERE IS THE LOVE?
What’s going on in the world today, I wondered, that was making these people forget to be kind, patient, and choose words that don’t hurt other living beings? In truth, my heart is breaking for this world, and all living beings in it. We are under tremendous strain. And Monday also happens to have a full moon, lunar eclipse going on. I’m not sure what that indicates, but I’m guessing the energy of our collective might be rather wonky, in an already wonky time on earth.
Believe me, I am certainly not without culpability in this current, global state of angst and stress. I have been guilty of reactive responses and texts, more than usual, especially in the past several months. It’s hard to see others mirror my own wonkiness, but I want to pass on something I have strived to do for years, because these glimpses of humanity I’ve gotten today, have made me remember something important that we all need to keep in mind.
APOLOGIZE!
